The Onion does what it does best:

Congress Arrested On Manslaughter Charges

Negligent Group Believed Responsible For Millions Of American Deaths

WASHINGTON—In a stunning development that has left every federal institution reeling, the U.S. government’s legislative branch was arrested this afternoon on 23.3 million separate charges of manslaughter, sources confirmed.

Citing numerous lethal actions over nearly two and a half centuries—including negligent health care policies, failure to fund reconstruction on dangerously dilapidated roads and bridges, and repeatedly putting American soldiers in harm’s way in every armed conflict dating back to the War of 1812—authorities handcuffed all 535 members of Congress today and escorted them from the Capitol building amidst a throng of onlookers.

If convicted, prosecutors said, Congress would be officially deemed the most prolific killers in the nation’s history.

“Following a prolonged investigation, we have strong reason to believe the United States Congress is responsible for the deaths of millions of Americans at various times and in various locations since the late 18th century,” Washington, D.C. police lieutenant Art Thompson said at an ad-hoc press conference on the Capitol steps. “While we do not believe these deaths were caused voluntarily by the nation’s legislative branch, we nevertheless intend to prosecute them to the furthest extent of the law.”

“We have set a bail of $2 trillion,” Thompson added.

More here.