Via Buzzfeed. I laughed. But it was nervous laughter…
Los Angeles On High Alert As LAPD Back On Regular Duty: Full Report
LTMC: As always, The Onion cuts to the quick with it’s brilliant sense of satire.
Warning: Legal geekery ahead. Proceed at your own peril.
Or perhaps more accurately, “Existentialist Pong,” or “Sartre Cup.” The opening sentence tells you everything you need to know:
When you experience a vague sense of inequity or deprivation but don’t have a template for whether your expectations are fair, drink.
It just gets better from there. More here.
The Onion does what it does best:
Congress Arrested On Manslaughter Charges
Negligent Group Believed Responsible For Millions Of American Deaths
WASHINGTON—In a stunning development that has left every federal institution reeling, the U.S. government’s legislative branch was arrested this afternoon on 23.3 million separate charges of manslaughter, sources confirmed.
Citing numerous lethal actions over nearly two and a half centuries—including negligent health care policies, failure to fund reconstruction on dangerously dilapidated roads and bridges, and repeatedly putting American soldiers in harm’s way in every armed conflict dating back to the War of 1812—authorities handcuffed all 535 members of Congress today and escorted them from the Capitol building amidst a throng of onlookers.
If convicted, prosecutors said, Congress would be officially deemed the most prolific killers in the nation’s history.
“Following a prolonged investigation, we have strong reason to believe the United States Congress is responsible for the deaths of millions of Americans at various times and in various locations since the late 18th century,” Washington, D.C. police lieutenant Art Thompson said at an ad-hoc press conference on the Capitol steps. “While we do not believe these deaths were caused voluntarily by the nation’s legislative branch, we nevertheless intend to prosecute them to the furthest extent of the law.”
“We have set a bail of $2 trillion,” Thompson added.
Due in part to law school keeping me under the proverbial rock, up until now, I had no idea what Gangnam Style was. How terrible my folly.
Upon viewing the video, I have now concluded that human kind may permissibly perish at any time. For even if we depart from the firmament tomorrow, we will have left behind Gangnam Style for the heirs of the universe to discover. Such a legacy is surely fit for any race of beings to be remembered and survived by. For when we are not long for our collective mortal coils, at least those that take our place will be able to say:
“They were completely ass backwards in every way imaginable. But at least they had Gangnam Style.”
With the recent Supreme Court decision upholding the Affordable Care Act, this epic tale from Cracked.com needs to be brought back:
It is the year 2020, and Obamacare has made the world a very different place. It is this distorted realm that our protagonist finds himself unwittingly, kind of awkwardly and very drunkenly thrust into. After having fallen asleep in the year 2010 and, possibly due to some sort of top secret army experiment in cryogenics (but far more likely due to passing out in that meat locker), he has become frozen in time and arisen 10 years hence to find the America he once knew “hanging by a thread.” Let this tale serve as a warning of things to come:
A reputable firm.
Surely his imprisoners will taste the imprimatur of retribution when they take egress from their mortal coil.
Salinas v. Texas: A Very Bad Day for the Fifth Amendment
Ugh, you guys.
I know that’s a silly way to start a blog post about a Supreme Court...
“I don’t have to listen to your phone calls to know what you’re doing. If I know every single phone call you made, I’m able to determine every single...”
"I've done nothing wrong, I have nothing to hide."
In Hacking the Future, I outlined some responses to people who invoke their...