Things Mitt Romney Says

September 18, 2012

I know that it’s common knowledge that Mitt Romney has held virtually every position there is to hold on every major political issue of the modern age, but sometimes it really is mindblowing to see his own words lined up side-by-side. Quite frankly, this stuff borders on performance art.

From a guest post by Mark Esposito at Turley’s blog, Here is Mitt Romney in 1994, while running for office in Massachussetts:

One of the great things about our nation … is that we’re each entitled to have strong personal beliefs, and we encourage other people to do the same. But as a nation, we recognize the right of all people to believe as they want and not to impose our beliefs on other people. I believe that abortion should be safe and legal in this country. I have since the time that my mom took that position when she ran in 1970 as a U.S. Senate candidate. I believe that since Roe v. Wade has been the law for 20 years, that we should sustain and support it, and I sustain and support that law, and the right of a woman to make that choice, and my personal beliefs, like the personal beliefs of other people, should not be brought into a political campaign.

Here’s Mitt Romeny in 2005:

I am pro-life. I believe that abortion is the wrong choice except in cases of incest, rape, and to save the life of the mother. I wish the people of America agreed, and that the laws of our nation could reflect that view. But while the nation remains so divided over abortion, I believe that the states, through the democratic process, should determine their own abortion laws and not have them dictated by judicial mandate.

This is self-parody. The bolded statements in these two paragraphs, existing simultaneously, as indeed they do, are something I would expect to read in a satirical post at Something Awful. These two statements literally say the exact opposite thing compared to one another. I mean, comparisons like this make it obvious that this man’s entire political career is a script-reading exercise, with occasional detours for the purpose of placing his index finger in his mouth, moistening the tip, and plunging it into the air so he can feel which way the political winds are blowing, and adjust his political compass accordingly.

I’m sure that Mitt Romney will find a way to surprise me even more as the 2012 election nears. Maybe he’ll reveal that he has a third nipple. Or that he once made love to a grizzly bear. Or that he’ll release his tax returns. Or that he is actually Barack Obama in disguise, and the man we’ve seen in the White House for the past year is an impersonator. Any of these things have the potential to shock and amaze, really. I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see.*

*Personally I’m pulling for Grizzly bear. But that’s just me.

12:05am | URL: http://tmblr.co/ZMMjnxTcBYzE

(Notes: 43)